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Talking about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can feel uncomfortable or even intimidating – especially in a new relationship. Still, it is an important step to protect your sexual health and build trust with your partner.
In this article, you will learn why conversations about STIs are so important, when the right time might be, how you can prepare, and how to address the topic with empathy and honesty – whether you have just started dating or have been together for years.
Table of contents
- Why is it important to talk about STIs?
- When is the right time for the conversation?
- How to prepare for the talk
- Tips for an open and respectful conversation
- What to do if one of you has an STI
- Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Why is it important to talk about STIs?
Many sexually transmitted infections, such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV, herpes, or HIV, can remain without noticeable symptoms for a long time. This means people may feel healthy but can still pass on the infection. Precisely because transmission often goes unnoticed, open conversations about STIs are a crucial part of prevention – along with regular testing and protective measures.
Talking about STIs…
- protects you and your partner from possible infection or transmission.
- creates clarity and builds trust.
- shows that you value both your own health and that of your partner.
Source: Craig-Kuhn et al., 2021
When is the right time for the conversation?
There is no such thing as a “perfect moment” – but there are situations where it is especially important to bring up the subject:
- Before having sex with a new partner: This helps create safety and trust from the start.
- When you both decide to stop using condoms: The risk of infection increases, so an open conversation is essential.
- After a positive STI test or a risk exposure: This allows you to act responsibly together.
- When moving from an open to a monogamous relationship: A conversation or joint test can strengthen trust.
It’s important to bring up the topic in a calm, private setting – not in passing or during a stressful moment (Cleveland Clinic, 2021).
Important if you receive a positive test result
If you are diagnosed with an STI, past sexual partners should also be informed – even if you no longer have close contact. This allows them to get tested (and treated if necessary) and helps prevent further spread. If direct contact feels difficult, you can also use anonymous notification services.
How to prepare for the conversation
Good preparation helps you raise the topic openly and confidently:
- Refresh your knowledge: Learn about STIs, transmission, and treatment options.
- Know your own health status: Recall when you were last tested – or consider getting tested again.
- Plan your introduction: Think in advance about how to bring up the subject in a sensitive and respectful way.
- Be open to reactions: Expect questions or uncertainties and respond with understanding.
Helpful questions for the conversation
- Have both partners recently been tested for the most common STIs?
- Are current test results available – or would a joint test make sense?
- If you plan to stop using condoms, under what conditions do you both feel safe doing so?
- Are there any known infections that should be discussed openly?
- Have there been past risk situations that might be relevant?
- How do both of you deal with possible insecurities or fears?
- Which methods of contraception will be used – and how reliable are they in terms of preventing both pregnancy and STIs?
Source: Cleveland Clinic, 2023; Pfeiffer, 2017
Tips for an open and respectful conversation
If you want to bring up STIs, it helps to speak clearly but with empathy.
Possible conversation starters:
- “I think before we sleep together, we should talk openly about sexually transmitted infections.”
- “I recently got tested for STIs, just to be sure. I’d feel good if we both did that – what do you think?”
- “If we want to stop using condoms, it’s important to me that we both know our STI status first.”
- “I’ve had unprotected sex in the past – that’s why I want to make sure I don’t pass anything on. A test would be the next step for me.”
- “This isn’t about control or mistrust – I just want to handle our health responsibly.”
Avoid:
- Blame (“You must have caught something…”)
- Irony or distracting humor when insecurity is present
- Pressure or emotional manipulation
Source: Cleveland Clinic, 2021
What to do if one of you has an STI
A positive test result can feel unsettling at first – but many infections can be treated and completely cured. Others, such as HIV or herpes, are not curable, but they can be well managed.
Here’s how to proceed:
- Talk openly and honestly about the result.
- Learn together about the infection.
- Seek medical examination and treatment if necessary.
- Avoid unprotected sex during treatment.
- Do a follow-up test after treatment is complete.
- Never stop treatment on your own – even if you have no symptoms. Many STIs can remain contagious or cause complications without noticeable signs.
Source: CDC, 2024
At-home STI testing
With a home STI test from Homed-IQ, you can test yourself easily – discreetly, quickly, and reliably. The sample is analyzed in a certified partner laboratory, and you receive your results conveniently online – without having to see a doctor.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Which STIs are the most common?
Chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, trichomoniasis, herpes, HPV, and HIV.
How often should you get tested for STIs?
The recommended frequency depends on your personal risk profile:
- With changing sexual partners: every 3–6 months
- In a steady monogamous relationship: at the beginning and after risk situations
- With symptoms (e.g., discharge, pain, skin changes): get tested immediately
- For certain risk groups (e.g., MSM, frequent partner changes): regular routine tests are recommended
Which infections often have no symptoms?
Chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV, and HIV can remain asymptomatic for a long time – and still be transmitted.
How long after sex should you get an STI test?
- Chlamydia and gonorrhea: about 3 weeks after a risk exposure
- HIV: at least 6 weeks after (depending on the test method)
How can I notify past partners – even anonymously?
This can be done through the health department or specialized online services that offer anonymous partner notification.
References
Kissinger, P. (n.d.). Sex education and STI fatalism, testing and infection among young African American men who have sex with women. Retrieved August 24, 2025, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8411927/
Next steps after testing positive for gonorrhea or chlamydia. (2024, April 9). CDC. Retrieved August 24, 2025, from https://www.cdc.gov/sti/testing/next-steps-after-testing-positive-for-gonorrhea-or-chlamydia.html
Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs): Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs). (n.d.). Cleveland Clinic. Retrieved August 24, 2025, from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9138-sexually-transmitted-diseases–infections-stds–stis
Telling Your Partner You Have an STI. (2021, July 21). Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials. Retrieved August 24, 2025, from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/h-how-to-tell-your-partner-you-have-an-std
Telling Your Partner You Have an STI. (2021, July 21). Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials. Retrieved August 24, 2025, from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/h-how-to-tell-your-partner-you-have-an-std
